by David Engel
When I walked in the door of Piratz
Tavern late this March, a tiny part of me was hoping to be scurried to a dingy
and cramped table inside a shipping container, by a group of angry militants
with AK-47s, before I fully understood what was going on. That would have been
fun and new, but I suppose the tradition of salty, grog-swilling Caribbean
swordsmen is a little more accessible and a lot less terrifying for the kids. As
it is, Piratz is a nice little venue with decor that falls mercifully short of
being a full-on kitschy yarr-harr and fiddle-dee-dee style fake piracy, in
favor of a more relaxed atmospheric fake piracy.
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| Even the ongoing website renovations seem to show that the tavern is backing off the kitch without sacrificing their identity. (image © Piratz Tavern) |
I had stepped out that Tuesday night
for dinner and a bit of curious fun. Apparently, as I discovered in a
conversation with our designated pirate-waiter, Spike TV had featured the bar
on an episode of Bar Rescue, a reality show involving a shouty host berating
people for something or other. The tavern had come across financial problems,
and the host opted to change the theme to The Corporate Bar and Grill. The
owners were not fans of this idea, and reverted the bar back to its Piratey
roots shortly after.
I confess I was less concerned with
the trials and travails of the bar’s business life, than getting a drink in my
hand as soon as humanly possible. In this, Piratz delivered. The regulars at
the table recommended that I try the Grog, and I followed suit. What I wound up
drinking was more or less a dark and stormy with citrus notes. I found it a
reasonably tasty homage to a beverage originally designed to halt scurvy and
make the average sailor forget they were in a creaky, sweaty, flammable pile of
planks floating in the middle of the shark-riddled ocean. The mug I ordered had
enough kick for an entire light drinking session in a single order.
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| Taken a few months before the attempted "rescue." (image by Edward Kimmel) |
The food itself was good. I expect
the acceptable, rather than the spectacular from pub food in general, but Piratz delivered more than what I expected. The choices available ranged from
classic pub fare to Caribbean to even some African options, including more than one non-salad vegetarian option. The jerk pork I had was flavorful and
skillfully prepared, and the piripiri chicken struck a good balance between
flavor and heat. After dinner, I indulged a shared scoop of the grog-flavored
ice cream on the suggestion of one of the regulars. As it turns out, the same
alcoholic mix in my mug complemented the ice cream in an unexpectedly delicious
fashion.
The Piratz menu was not without its
downsides as well. The drinks menu in particular was hit or miss, at least on
paper. Specialties like the “Davy Jones Shooter,” a concoction of Jägermeister, cinnamon, and peppermint schnapps caused my stomach to churn a bit when I read
the description. The rest of the drinks outside of the Grog firmly rested on
the fruity-candy side of the aisle, so I guess if that’s what you’re into,
that’s cool, but if you’re into grownup drinks it might be better to stick with
beer. The food menu also featured “Burnin’ Bits,” which are predictably billed
as machismo-firemouth bait that you have to sign a waiver to order. The place
takes things a little over the top in multiple aspects, to the point of
possibly driving away more conventional customers.
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| “Wench Wednesdays” might not be the best way to sell Ladies’ Night in the 21st century (image by Rob Speed) |
That said, the current incarnation
of Piratz Tavern does an excellent job of catering to the quirkier set, and is
entirely happy to fly a blatant nerd flag high into the air. It is, of course,
a rallying point to the Pirate Community (that I was until very recently
completely unaware of), as well as pirate fans in general. The bar is currently
also working on ways to get the board gaming community in on the fun, hosting
game days on the last Sunday of the month, usually. Contact the owners for
details, if you are inclined.
Overall, Piratz is a place with a very
tight-knit vibe, and it’s obvious there’s a lot of heart in it. The food is
good, it’s easy enough to find something to drink, and it all comes with a
relatively low price tag. If you’re of the pirate-liking persuasion, or just
have a fondness for fun, themed dining locales, absolutely go. If neither of
those descriptors particularly fit you, don’t necessarily balk if one of your
more excitable friends wants to drag you out, you might just have a good time.
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