Scooter's Guide to Wooing Geeks

I was talking to the wonderful musician Jonah Knight on the DC Geeks Share & Share-alike group on Facebook about good geek love songs for Valentines Day. When I realized that this is something I should probably put a bit more effort into. A little known secret, within the cold dark winter estate high atop Mount Scoot, lies a hopeless romantic that likes love songs, even cheesy ones. 

Don't bother looking it up, those are definitely red and blue.
(image via rzrxtion)

Don't tell anyone or I'll be super embarrassed; it's our secret. I don't talk about my love of geek music enough either, so this is the perfect opportunity to tie my love of music into an overly commercialized holiday!  Joking aside, here's my list of quality, fun, and romantic geeky music to surprise your sweetheart (or sweethearts, I don't judge). 

If I missed one of your favorites or you can't fathom why I chose the songs I did, or you're curious why your loved/hated song is in a specific position, please leave a comment below, or hit us up on Facebook or Twitter and let us know what you really think. Enjoy and have a good 14th of February, however you choose to spend it.


10. Lorraine Cink - Ode to a Geek

I feel the song is sort of condescending to geeks, especially towards the beginning. But there are a lot of geek references that are spot on. It's sort of catchy, even though the song itself is relatively simple (but not in a bad way). Some parts are kinda awkward, but she gains serious points by looking like she means it when she sings it.

Favorite Line: "Your arms are strong like Han." 

9. Marshall Gray - Critical Hit On My Heart

I wish I could have found more information on Marshall Gray. I enjoy this song. The recording quality is not amazing, but the references are exactly what I'm looking for. I noticed something though, not the fault of the artist (since I think someone else uploaded this) every die in the video is showing a one! For the non-tabletop gamers, that's bad. Do Not Want. Maybe there's a pun to be had about a critical fail on my heart? This song is sappy and maybe a bit too 90's soft rock for me. But wow, definitely earns its place on this list based on lyrical content.

Favorite Line: "You only rolled 17, but you have got the improved critical feat, and I just know you're gonna confirm it. So just roll maximum damage and I will belong to you."

8. Kirby Krackle - Up, Up, Down, Down

This song is thick on the geek references. But it goes really dark at the end. The first half is very romantic, but... yeah, that ending. You best watch it and see what I'm talking about. After this, the zombie song at #5 won't seem that bad. This is sweet and catchy, would have placed higher if it wasn't a love song about murder and ritual sacrifice.

Favorite Line: "I should take a risk, then like Wilson Fisk, be the Kingpin of this day."

7. Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog - My Freeze Ray

If you've seen Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog, then you're probably in love with this song. This is one of the most touching scenes from the series. You have to love a love/lament song from a mad scientist to his paramour. The only reason this didn't rank higher in this list is it's more about lost love, pining, (and stalking?) than a true romantic song. Still, could work a pinch, especially if your lover really was into the series.

 Favorite Line: "I'll bend the world to our whim and we'll make time stand still."

6. Jonathan Coulton - Code Monkey

I love this song on alot of levels. Like all of Jonathan Coulton's music, the lyric quality is fantastic and the music is catchy. If your partner loves coding this may do the trick on premise alone. The main problem I see here is that it's still a song about panning for the attentions of someone else, rather than celebrating the awesome that is the relationship. So, maybe not quite in the right frame of mind.

Favorite Line: "Maybe manager want to write god damn login page himself." 

5. Your Favorite Martian - Zombie Love Song

I appreciate the sort of creepy yet lovely parts of this song. It also feels like a throwback to Thriller. That's gotta be intentional. Yeah, I know I said earlier that several songs got low rankings because they were essentially about a forlorn individual desperately seeking the affections of another. This one is different somehow. Plus, it gets bonus points for making something creepy yet sweet at the same time.

Favorite Line: "When I chase you through the graveyard, it feels like foreplay." 

4. Nerd Alert - SCV Love Song

Alright I need to talk about the awesomeness of the video itself here for a moment. I love the cheesy boy band beach scene while talking about Starcraft. It's... wow. Just wow. Especially the out of place male model (referenced in the video comments as Singer, Nerd, and Hot Dude). This reminds me of high school romance movies, you know, if they had taken place during a Starcraft II tournament.

Favorite Line: "We're there for each other (whoa oh ohhhhhh) We repair one another."

3. Sam Hart - Mario Kart Love Song

Love the mustache, even though it's fake (editor's note: It's a mustache-heavy week). Ok, with that aside. This song is amazingly sweet. If I knew how to play the acoustic guitar, I feel like I could play this outside of a woman's window during the scene in a movie where I have to win back her affections after being a total douche bag for the first half of the movie.

Favorite Line: "Blue shell is coming, so I'll go ahead. If you hang behind it'll hit me instead."

2. Lemon Demon - Geeks in Love

I was speaking of sweet before. This one is so sweet it puts me in a good mood no matter what. It's also hard for me to stay still while listening. Also, it feels like one of the more appropriate portrayals of geeky activities that I've heard. Regardless, it's almost too sweet. One of the video commenters suggest that this should be a duet, and I can't agree more.

Favorite Line: "We may not be cutting edge, but we won't take your mainstream pledge."

1. Jonathan Coulton - I'm Your Moon

There are few things I could see as more charming than a love song between Pluto and Charon. I missed that context entirely the first time I heard it (I wasn't watching the video at the time). Knowing that gives the song an immense sense of depth. Sections of geek culture are still vocally bitter about Pluto's loss of planetary status, but I feel a little better knowing that Charon is there to be with Pluto through this troubling time.

Favorite Line: "I'm your moon, You're my moon, We go round and round"

Runner Up, The Klein Four Group - Finite Simple Group (of Order Two)

This would have made the main list if I could have found a higher quality version. The lyrics are fun and so painfully math-based. I wish Glee was more like this (if they could stop their wholesale theft of original content). To even understand half of this song requires a very specific knowledge set that's very deep in math. While that makes it awesome, it can also be its downfall if it alienates non-math geeks.

Favorite Line: "But lately our relation's not so well-defined, and I just can't function without you."

Check out the other Off the Beaten Path articles - they're basically lists of interesting stuff that you should make a point to check out.

OBP: 5 DC Bars a Geek Will Love

Just off the beaten path in DC lies a bizarre bar scene.
As follow up to our 5 Cool Places for Geeks in DC, this article takes a look at area drinking establishments that have something cool about them. This will add to any outing you decide to take, whether with a special someone or a mob of your gamer buddies fresh off a Mountain Dew and Cheetos binge looking for a good time. D&D can inspire drinking, you gnome what I'm sayin'? Let's look at part 2 of Off the Beaten Path.

The beautiful interior (via PX)

PX

Next to Eamonn's, Blue light just off of King Street

This is one of those bars you've heard about. No advertising. Strictly word of mouth and crazy blogs like ours talking about it. This is a speakeasy that sticks to the theme rather more extremely than you'd expect. The staff are dressed in prohibition era clothing (garb), the motif is all hardwood with ornate decorations, and the entryway is only distinguishable from the door to a house by a bright blue light illuminating the immediate area around it. I'm telling you, this is at the top of this list because if you live around DC and you haven't been to PX, you aren't anyone. This place is very awesome. Their drinks are... expensive ($15 - $20 range) and you may have to get reservations a week out. Completely worth it. This is probably one of my favorite locations to take a date (spinning up about how it's a secret location that you can't tell them about until you "stumble" on to it).

I took a few friends of mine here for the first time not too long ago. If you're lucky, you can ask the person waiting behind the front door if you can pirate the sport of a canceled party or if there is room at the bar. They were full up and we didn't have reservations, but it was worth it for the build up of walking around the corner, talking about this cool bar I was going to take them too, then just walking up to an unassuming door, knocking, whispering to the person behind it, then casually walking away like nothing happened. Spy points for the win.

Recommended Costume: Dick Tracy

Before a Grindstone show at the Red Palace (via jsmjr)

Red Palace

1210 H Street Northeast, Washington D.C., District of Columbia

The Red Palace is the combination of two old, fantastic bars, The Red and Black and The Palace of Wonders. Both locations I used to love spending time at. I'm pretty happy to say, after seeing a few shows at the Red Palace, it seems to have the best of both worlds.The Red Palace is a sexy, freaky, relatively large bar that has a variety of music and dance performances. We can't forget the burlesque. The wonderful, funny, bootilicious (that's still used right?) burlesque dancing. Good rock music and burlesque. It's hard to think of the Red Palace without it.

I've seen a number of burlesque shows here. We used to have fun bringing our less daring friends out to see shows here. It's always fun seeing the look on their faces during their first burlesque show. HWHAHA.    Take that, friends! Fantastic location, my only complaint is parking: It's shit. No metro within walking distance, and finding parking can be horrible. Worth it though.

Recommended Costume: Dr. Frankenfurter?

Sonic Screwdriver? Yes please. (via irrezolout)

Science Club

1136 19th Street Northwest  Washington D.C., DC 20036-3602

This is a pseudo nerd bar as it is. Well, not really, but sort of. As you can see from one of their menus, at the very least they have a fantastic sense of humor / drink name selection. The main aspect of the Science Club, other than its awesome name, is the use of scientific instrumentation across the entirety of the bar. Especially microscopes. It gives the bar an interesting look. This adds an interesting backdrop to inebriated adventures through the District.

Of the random talks with people and hangouts I've had here, I'm most impressed with the other people there. A few times, I've sat at the first floor or outside with staff and regular patrons just shooting the breeze about random stuff. Pokemon, music, science, just about anything. I honestly run into a problem finding interesting people to talk to, especially at bars. Good solid people. Beyond the bar name and the decorations, from what I've seen that's probably the foundation of this location. I hope it's still the case, haven't been back in a bit. Better be though.

Recommended Costume: Dr. Horrible

Similar design, but not beaten up like this (via Sergi Balaguer)

Bilbo Baggins

208 Queen Street, Alexandria, VA

This, for a very long time, was my favorite bar on the planet. Obviously since it's still on the list, I still love this place. It's a bar with a partial hobbit theme. Especially where the main bar area is. They have an amazing round style mirror that looks very similar to the picture we have here. The menu and drink options are often hobbit themed as well. They keep trivia cards from different games at each table, so you and your friends can laugh and feel like idiots putting away a few. I've been half tempted to go dressed in Lord of the Rings style attire... but haven't. Let's get to why.

I love the look of this bar. I've had some absolutely amazing times at this bar with the random people that I would run into who were still drinking with me at 1 am. Fortunately and unfortunately, Bilbo Baggins became sorta crazy popular in the last year. I've been there two or three times in the last six months, and each time it's been hella busy. Good for the bar, but it makes it harder to enjoy the atmosphere. Check it out, especially during the week, should be a little less crowded. Still an interesting bar, worth seeing if you haven't been before.

Recommended Costume: Aragorn

Actually a pretty typical sight at Piratz Tavern (via  Rob Speed)

Piratz Tavern

8402 Georgia Avenue, Silver Spring, MD

Pirate themed bar. By that I mean the bar looks like the insides of a pirate ship, the staff are dressed as pirates, the drinks have a pirate theme, and the entertainment tends to be sexy pirate-ish themed. Drinks, other than grog, tend to be relatively normal for a bar (minus their pirate names). Really, the entertainment and environment are the reason to check it out. Oh, and occasional fire spinning. Man, I'm weak to a good fire spinning act.

Friday nights so far seem to be the best. They have belly dancing with Rosie (a sweetheart if I've ever met one, tip her for me will ya?) as well as a house pirate band (Pirates of the Drunken Ferret). Alright, this location has me using the word "pirate" way too often. Hmm, I wonder if going by the location theme, I should dress up as a music pirate or a Somali pirate.

Recommended Costume: Ren from the Pirates of Dark Water

UPDATE: It appears the Piratz Tavern has been restructured to have a corporate non piratey feel.  Sadness. Will let you know more when it becomes available.  I've met most of the staff, the people make for an awesome establishment, so it's still probably worth checking out.

Off the Beaten Path: 5 Cool Places for Geeks in DC

We've heard of a lot of cool places in the Greater DC area through our extensive research into DC events and the DC geek scene.  Here are 5 places that if you are just in town visiting or have lived here for years, you may not have heard of (thus... you should still check them out).  These are mostly metro accessible.  But not exclusively.  This is not your normal list of assorted tourist traps.   This is off the beaten path.

via Mr. T in DC

Science Museum of the National Academy of Sciences 

525 E Street NW, Washington, DC

I can't look at the name of this place without thinking the Department of Redundancy Department. Beyond that the items on display at this Museum are full of interesting sciencey facts. They have a whole exhibit dedicated to the recent breakthroughs in the scientific community.  Come on, science is sexy.  This museum features a wide array of hands on and interactive displays that engage your further into some of the cooler aspects of science.  I know we've all been to the Air & Space Museum, but passing on this gem of scientific wonder may be one of the worst decisions of your life.  That and eating that piece of pizza that was left out over night.  You know who you are.

via Jeff Kubina

The Awakening
Fort Washington, MD

This one's pretty simple.  This is a massive statue of a Titan clawing his way out of the earth itself.  It's something you need to see.  I mean need to see badly.  This used to be up in dc, but they moved it out to Fort Washington not too long ago.  He kind of looks like he's in pain right?  I'm in love with large scale art as well as semi mythical pieces.  I can almost imagine this was a frost giant smacked down by Thor.  He does look sort of uncomfortable.  I bet that would also make for a fantastic photoshoot.

While you're out in Fort Washington check out the dueling piano bar, 

Bobby McKey's Dueling Piano Bar. I've had a fun at Bobby McKey's, not a nerd place, but they know some pop songs.  Nothing funnier than watching a few pianists trying to do piano renditions of Backstreet Boys songs.

via CodeHooligans

The Mansion on O

2020 O St NW, Washington, District of Columbia 20036-5912

An interestingly quirky mansion in DC. They boast that there are 100 rooms with 32 hidden rooms.  That's... man that would make for a fantastic game of hide and seek. Part hotel, part restaurant, part club, part musem (all cop).  Really this place is pretty weird.  Not something you would immediately go to with thinking "hey, that looks nerdy."  Honestly, it looks like a rich persons country club at first glance. It's only open Sundays and Mondays to the public. The whole place is decorated like your grandmothers collection if she was on a very special episode of Hoarders and had a house the size of a ship.  I've heard that if you take the brunch and tour there's a prize for who can find the most secret rooms.

One of the other interesting things with the Mansion on O are the accommodation.  I mean look at this list. YOU CAN HAVE A SECRET ROOM BEDROOM!  Or even one that's done up like a boat. I could not resist, if I stayed in that room I'd probably be blaring it night and day.  They would hate me for it.

via NCinDC

Einstein Memorial

2101 Constitution avenue northwest, Washington, DC 20037

This would be a quick visit with an old geek friend of ours.  Not literally.  We never played Dominion together.  Which is a shame, he would probably have been very good. Really this would just be to hang out with this statue.  Seems to be one of the only ones in the states.  Honestly not a bad way to spend an afternoon, checking out a section of dc, and sorta high fiving Einstein.

via ElvertBarnes

Newseum

555 Pennsylvania Avenue Northwest, Washington, DC

You don't have to be a journalism nerd in order to appreciate the things on display at the Newseum. Most of the biggest moment in American history are covered in these walls. They also have a large amount of interactive exhibits good for little and big nerds. You can even pretend to be a television news reporter.  How cool is that?  I recommend wearing all yellow, dying your hair red, and hanging out with giant antropomorphic turtles.  Just watch out for ninjas.  (How long until the demand for a ninja museum is finally met?  I've been waiting years.  You'd think my letters to the King of the Ninjas are going unread)