Nothing Motivates Quite Like an Apocalypse

by Aine C.

So, It's mid-January. If you're like most of us, you've already missed one or two of those classes at the gym, maybe even decided it's a bit too "hardcore" to start running now, in all this cold. You'll hang out on /r/GetMotivated and upvote posts like "Next year, you'll wish you'd started today." (Or is that just me? Because I have to tell you, bro, I don't even lift.)

Only thing worse than a raptor, is a zombie raptor.

(image via Shirt Woot)

If you want a rant of pure motivation to help with your resolutions, I recommend David Wong's recent Cracked article. That's not really my thing. I'm just here because I like zombies, and back in October I got to try running away from them at Run for Your Lives.

I attended the 5k again this year. The short review is that I recommend throwing your money where your resolutions are and signing up now for the 2013 Maryland event. Keep in mind that early registration will save you up to $30 (and at the time of this writing, reg is already half full). I say "fun," but I need to add a few more adjectives. It's also really cold, and incredibly difficult, and seriously terrifying. Last year, I reviewed Run for Your Lives and I spent all day regretting that I hadn't signed up as a runner. So this year I fired up the C25K, my favorite Zombies Run app and started in. I'm not the strongest runner, but I was going to try and trump experience with passion. Besides, we had this shiny, new Go Pro camera I wanted to try out.

I signed up thinking I could just walk past the zombies and do my intervals as usual. Run-walk-run-walk, no problem right? I figured even if I went slowly, the obstacles couldn't be too insane. And the zombies could only grab flags. How scary could they be?

"They'll just keep coming." (Image by RFYL)

When I see zombies, I sprint.

When zombies see a camera, they sprint.

And they're faster.

While my muscles might remember what it was like to be a midfielder, my asthmatic lungs do not. After half the race, I had some nice people explain I'd be getting on the golf cart and hanging out down at the first aid station for a little while.

Thankfully, my medic and number one choice for a post-apocalyptic team mate slapped on my Go Pro and finished out the race. Keep an eye out for our upcoming video of her badassery. The end gets a bit cloudy because one of the obstacles: lake. Just a dip in some cool Maryland lake water, in October, nowhere near the end of the race. Then, there's the waterslide.

Earlier that month, my teammate had done Buff Betty and completed around five and a half hours of orienteering, mountain biking, canoeing, and trail running. As we were standing waiting to reclaim her gear, she claimed Buff Betty had been easier than the insanity of the RFYL 5k. Seriously. The freezing obstacles and zombie sprints were that exhausting.

Speaking of the gear line, I do have a few criticisms. Mostly, it's just the gear line. The race took an hour or two, but that gear line stretched out to about a three or four hour wait at its worst. Easy solution: have a non-runner friend. Have everyone who's running with you pitch in to buy them a spectator pass. They sit with your gear playing Pokemon until you all emerge in a heap of icy mud and satisfaction. (Hint: bring those chemical heat packs, clean clothes, towels, and a few wool blankets).

Some runners were pissed at the rules that won't let you bring any food or water bottles that are not still "factory sealed." But the organizers were excessively clear about that beforehand, so I do think that anyone raging out really only has themselves to blame.

Sunday, the entire second run was cancelled as Maryland was declared to be in a state of emergency. I honestly do not understand the people who are mad at the organizers for this. The attendees received refunds and got to remain safely not in the middle of Clusterfuck Sandy. I'm glad RFYL did the right thing and kept people safe, even though I'm equally sure they lost a ton of money for it.

But if you remember, I had a few criticisms about last year. And those were all sorted out as the event begun hosting in a dozen new locations, refining and learning with each iteration. I have no doubt that the inconveniences from this year will also be sorted out. I'm glad to see the event growing and thriving.

Know what else is awesome? The event isn't Halloween weekend. So it won't be so goddamned cold, and it won't spoil any costume party plans that you may have. Most excellent.

Lastly, I know zombies might not really be your go-to choice for motivation. For you regular resolutioners, here's a generic bit of seriously fucking powerful, distilled, pure encouragement: