Trans* Shouldn’t Be the Worst of Both Worlds

By Aine C.

I’m dating myself a bit here, but we didn’t have the term “ally” when I was in high school or even in college. And when the second link on a Google search for "trans* gamers" is a rant about whether a male should ever be allowed to choose a female avatar (regardless of the guy's gender identity, orientation, etc.) I feel like a bit of 101 is in order.

The full size of the graphic below is worth a read, as is Killerman's blog, and the Wikipedia page on Transgender isn't bad (far from comprehensive, but it's getting a lot better).

My use of “trans*” means I don’t want to leave out anyone along the spectrum.
(Thanks to Sam Killerman for the excellent visual.) 

A few years ago, Eve began revealing to our social circle that she was female. I let her know that I wanted to be supportive, but I wasn't sure what that meant. Even after knowing Eve for nearly 15 years, I reverted to the Southern tradition of being civil and keeping quiet. I tried to learn as much as I could on my own and online, but the thought of actually asking her about what she was going through seemed somehow rude.

‘Cause if there’s one thing that helps an issue, it’s silence, right?

When I finally asked, I was heartbroken to learn it was worse than I'd realized. For example, Eve has had a drunken ass stumble up to her and yell to everyone around that she couldn't "fool him," followed by a rant about how he didn't "believe in transgendered people." We discussed even more cringe-worthy stories about how people think it's completely acceptable to strike up a conversation about her genitals, and refuse to let her self-identify unless her bits meet their specifications.

Eve described how, even within the community that claims to support LGBT rights, there is a significant amount of transphobia (which is why I prefer to use GSM). The heart of their argument seems to be that anyone who wants to be trans* must be chasing passing privilege. That’s before the trans* vs trans* stigma over whether you express your gender through clothing, binding, top surgery, bottom surgery, hormones, etc. When the goal, as Eve puts it, should never be to mimic hetero life. The goal is to “feel whole as you are” without the agony of dysmorphia.

I asked what online gaming must be like after getting a pretty rough look at the IRL harassment, or as Eve put it, “the argument that never ends.” Eve explained that the challenge starts right from the character select screen, where players pick a binary gender option, if they're given a choice at all. Now, I’ve seen the vitriol on Reddit, but Eve’s a League of Legends player – not exactly a game known for its fluffy, tolerant community.

(as the watermark says, rage comic via League Meme)

When I asked how bad it was, her reply shocked me only slightly, “I don’t come out as trans*. I try to pass for a woman online... but no matter what character type you choose, everyone assumes you’re male.” When Eve corrects them, the consensus is usually shock and disbelief, "But you’re good!”

So Eve has to deal with all the misogyny we’ve covered in this series that’s just part of being a female gamer for now, rather than risk the backlash of coming out as trans*. Before I could really let it sink in how incredibly disheartening that is, she explained her strategy for dealing with the misogyny:

“I’ve been hardened enough to be confrontational. I find strength and catharsis, because if you’re rude, my new goal is to wreck you [for as long as we're both logged in].”

How do you feel now, Rockstar?
(image © Alan Sailer)

I’ve heard this echoed in friends from pro-gamers, to WoW and LoL enthusiasts, to security professionals – the only way to be accepted as a woman for now is to be better than everyone else. Sadly, that’s not within everyone’s reach. I’m never going to be the best raider on WoW or the twitchiest shot in Team Fortress 2. In some ways, I feel like I’ve been waiting for badasses like Eve to blaze the trail before it’s safe for gamers and geeks like me to come out of hiding. 

What if I didn’t? What if none of us did? I wonder if the mindset could change with the demographic, even if we had to put up with a period of loud, abusive rants about how it’s ruining the hobby or culture. Think we could flood the servers of whatever multiplayer games we’ve been hiding from and just play for the joy of playing, gender be damned?

Thank you, Eve, for being willing to share your anecdotes. For those of you interested in contributing stories to our Minority in Geek series, please email us or leave a comment below.