Death of the Token Black Friend

By Scooter

I don't mean to be racist, but...
(Image © by Ibra Ake via SD City Beat)

I'm black and I'm a geek. I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable.

I've made a playlist to go with this article. It's one song on repeat, "Bonfire" by Childish Gambino. Check it out, especially around 2:03. Also relevant is a GIF-filled BuzzFeed article talking about 27 Things You Had To Deal With As The Only Black Kid In Your Class. I guarantee you that almost every black geek in your social circle or who you've run into at a con knows that feel, bro.

Something that happens frequently for blacks within nerd culture is being the only black in a room full of whites. The concept of the token black friend isn't foreign to most people. I still hear it often. In fact just last weekend, this phrase was used in reference to me by some close friends. My friends aren’t intentionally offensive, but they seem to need to draw attention to a situation that they find either funny or awkward.

People seem to believe that having one non-white person somehow proves that there is nothing wrong with the situation: the persons at the event are not pushing people away for not being white. Having a friend of another ethnicity is proof they are modern, and of course could not be that dreaded word, racist.

Following Neil deGrasse Tyson's Twitter doesn't make it ok
(Image © unknown, via Reddit)

This comes up a lots when gaming or drinking with friends, especially ones I've had for a long time. I've asked for clarification when people mention that I'm the only black person a party or call me their token black friend. Most often I hear, "Oh I'm just playing, it doesn't matter." or something similar. Yet I get looks that show how uncomfortable people are that I’m there. I think that the problem is that when people are unable to face this discomfort and tension, the feelings spill out into comments like, "You're my favorite black friend... you're my only black friend."

In a culture that’s based on shared passion, why bother to point out that I’m black? Why does my appearance matter so much that it's brought up frequently? I know people don't mean anything malicious by it. But what does it says in general if being black in geek culture is so strange that we feel compelled to call attention to it every time? I wonder how many kids have walked away from one geek group or another from this feeling of alienation.

The real problem here is that it makes blacks feel like they are foreigners who are only begrudgingly accepted by the rest of the geek community. Whenever this difference is pointed out, it labels us as outsiders and shifts the focus away from the common interests that brought us all together in the first place: our love of shit. The obsessions that we loved so badly that many of us were ostracized by mainstream culture. The things that caused us to bond together as a community in the first place.

(Empire Strikes Back is © 20th Century Fox, image via MTV Movies Blog)

Don't get me wrong here, I'm not against answering questions about being black or racial relations. I don't mean that we can't all come together and have these discussions, but let's not start from a place of our differences. Please, just keep in mind, that when you call a black person in any mostly not black group a token, what they may be thinking is, "Am I only here to provide you with diversity?" It implies that you are talking to them or befriending them merely so you can have a black friend, regardless of any other part of their identity.

It's a difference in focus, but an important one.