Your Passion - DC Rollergirls

The February bout between the Majority Whips and Scare Force One

The problem with running a Geek website is that you can get too myopic in your focus. What does it mean to be a geek? Is it all miniatures and Dungeons & Dragons or is there room for more? I prefer to think of it as having a dedication or passion to something that goes well beyond the norm. And since Scooter agreed that a broad focus was a good idea, I am going to do periodic blogs called "Your Passion" in which I interview people in the DC community about the things that get them fired up. So first up, Aine and I went to see the DC Rollergirls at their February bout. We were told many of the girls were very geeky, but sadly I never got to ask them about those passions. I was just too damn enamored with my new favorite sport.

Sex, Drugs, and Apple Pie: The DC Rollergirls Cut Deep

Beneath the lipstick and glitter, the torn fishnets and gold panties, the nasty derby names and the bad attitudes, roller derby is unrelentingly authentic. Imagine my surprise to discover it in the heart of DC, a city that has a not wholly unfair reputation as one of the most duplicitous cities in the country. And my timing in discovering it could not have been better.

The national debate is eclipsed by questions of class and wealth. It is the center of every debate. From, the Occupy movement to the President's State of the Union to the Republican Presidential Primary, to Charles Murray's The Bell Curve to even the new Batman movie, the growing divide between rich and poor and the sense that it is tearing at the fabric of our national identity has been the center of the national dialogue.

So what, exactly, does this have to do with Rollergirls? Everything. Based on my interviews with the DC Rollergirls, I am under the impression that they might be just what the doctor ordered for an ailing society.

DC Demoncats vs. the Cherry Blossom Bombshells

Roller derby is a thrilling, high speed, full contact, adrenaline fueled sport. The teams consist largely of blockers, with one team member designated for scoring. That team member is the jammer. The objective of the jammer is to lap the other team as many times as possible. Both teams have jammers; both teams are trying to score simultaneously. The lead jammer can call off the jam at any point, banking points and preventing the other team from scoring.

Odd as it might sound, the experience is not unlike football. As much as you thrill at the jammer’s clever moves or amazing feats of athleticism, the moments that get the crowd on their feet, that produce those collective gasp moments, are when one blocker checks another blocker, or a jammer, sending them crashing to the floor and tripping up a dozen rollers. Force equals mass times acceleration and those blockers are BIG girls. Watching 190 pounds of blocker, skates, and padding collide knee to kidney with a jammer at 20 mph is enough to make you want to wrap your children in bubble wrap for the rest of their lives. It's an estimated 777 newtons of force. Math.

A group of blockers goes down, taking a jammer with them.

But beneath this invigorating the violence, there is a level of passion and caring you just do not see in America anymore. By almost every measure, community involvement is down nationwide. With some notable exceptions, charitable giving is down as well. But the Rollergirls participate in their communities. They volunteer at Food Banks. They spotlight a different charity every month. Their bouts are non-profit. In addition to Food Bank they sponsored girl scouts, transgender health clinics, Gay Prom, and several inner city youth groups.

Their halftime show regularly features the Greenbelt S.I.T.Y. Stars, a jump rope team made up of inner-city youth that are simply amazing. These particular jump ropers have performed in Disney films and for the Obamas at the White House. Their website has some video, but it is nothing like seeing them in person. Just—look, just trust me. I’d pay to see them alone.

The picture doesn't do it justice, but they're jumping rope
while doing a split.

The snacks sold at the games are made by the girls themselves and similarly raise funds for charity. If you’re curious, some of the girls are gluten-free, so if allergies are your concern, ask—they probably have you covered.

The crowd is welcoming to everyone. At $12 a ticket, just about anyone can afford to go. Rich and poor alike. The crowd was diverse along not only race and gender lines, but also age and personal identity. One man was there with his mentally ill son. They have a section roped off for the deaf where an ASL translator will sign the announcements as the game goes on. It is the most inclusive sport I have seen. It seemed like everyone was represented from punks to preps. It was like everything your high-school pep-rally wished it could be.

Velocity Raptor of Scare Force One

Nasty Pelosi of Majority Whips

But the girls don’t just preach good works. They live it off the track. The Rollergirls themselves represent the entire socioeconomic spectrum. They are doctors, lawyers, active-duty military, and more than a few  librarians. They are rich and poor. When a girl has financial trouble, they help her out. Scare Force One jammer Velocity Raptor works for Planned Parenthood when she isn’t throwing elbows. Majority Whips jammer, Nasty Pelosi is Native American; due to the pounding rock and pop music being blasted during the bout my recorder did not clearly pick up the name of her tribe/nation. She is a graduate of one of the best law schools in the country, working in one of the nation’s biggest law firms, and somehow convinced them to pay her an enormous big-shot lawyer’s salary to work 100% pro-bono for the next year on issues ranging from Native American rights to violence against women. 


As an aside, and because I just can’t resist sharing, Nasty Pelosi’s derby-playing fiancé is John BoneHer. Yeah. I was apoplectic with joy, if such a thing is possible.

When the girls aren’t serving their country, or fighting over social and economic issues of paramount importance, they will have brutally honest and unvarnished conversations with you. I asked one derby girl what her worst derby moment was and, without missing a beat, she told me “the time I sodomized myself with a roller skate.” You could have scraped my jaw off the floor. “Oh yeah, I fell bad on my left ankle [ ] when I looked in the mirror, there was a wheel shaped bruise between the cheeks.”

I never understood the "athletes as heroes" thing. I mean, yeah, Mark McGuire hits a ball really, really well. Why on earth does that make him a hero? In what world does athleticism translate to moral fiber or good judgment? But I get it now. At the risk turning off readers with a little too much schmaltz, Nasty and Raptor are super-heroes. I seriously cannot express how amazing these girls are.

Roller derby may be the first sport that you can love that will also love you back. At their bouts, they announce the location of their after-parties so that the attendees can come crash a local DC bar with them. And they do party. As Velocity Raptor told me about many of their good works, I couldn’t help but be a little crestfallen. The derby names, the attitude, I was really hoping for girls with daddy issues but Raptor swore most girls were stable and happy. I thought they might be nuns on wheels; what the hell happened to sex, drugs, and rock & roll? “Oh no,” she replied with a wink, “we’ve got that too.” She let it be known that the Derby Girls are a hard living, hard partying, settle your grudges with a quick punch or live it out in the next bout kinda troop. Later in the evening I couldn’t help but think of Neil Young as I watched Nasty Pelosi nurse her face with an ice pack; she had taken a solid hit in the mouth from another girl’s helmet. “It’s better to burn out, than to fade away.”

So how much does the DC Geeks crew love roller derby? Well...

After some thought we opted instead for t-shirts.

Now, how can you get in on the awesome fun? First, some background. DC has four local teams and one national team. The local teams are:

Scare Force One

Cherry Blossom Bombshells

DC Demoncats

Majority Whips

The national team is the DC All Stars. Think of the local teams as the minors. The All Stars recruit from the locals. The local teams, by virtue of not being on the road, play a lot more. The season is almost over, but don’t worry, there are still games to be had. All games are double headers, so you get lots of bang for your buck. Get your tickets here!!!!

TONIGHT! The DC All-Stars play Queen City (NY) followed by Cherry Blossom Bombshells vs. Scare Force One.

On April 14, the DC All-Stars play the Port Authorities (ME). The DC Demon Cats play the Majority Whips.

On May 12, come celebrate my birthday (a week late) with me as I get drunk on Pabst and yell rude things as the four local teams battle in their season championship for 1^st-4^th place.